| Is there such a thing as "too much" respect? I | | | | earn it. The only thing we can reasonably request |
| believe we can almost never show too much | | | | is the benefit of the doubt. Respect is then |
| respect for others. | | | | earned by proving we are worthy of the benefit |
| We all crave respect. It is a basic human need - | | | | of the doubt. |
| one that separates us from most of the animals. | | | | When was the last time you willingly did |
| Many of us take for granted the fact that we will | | | | something demanded of you, especially by |
| be respected by others, simply by virtue of our | | | | someone you did not respect? How did you feel |
| position in our family, our company, our | | | | about having to do it? Conversely, recall a time |
| accomplishments or even our political or | | | | when something was requested of you by |
| community position. However, this is not always | | | | someone you respected - someone who had |
| the case. Respect is not always automatically | | | | earned your respect. This is a completely |
| given in these situations and it should never be | | | | different story. |
| assumed or taken for granted. | | | | How do we command respect? Here are 5 tips to |
| Although respect ideally flows both ways, this | | | | accomplish this goal: |
| does not always occur, nor is it always expected. | | | | |
| One example exists in the Japanese culture, | | | | 1. Offer respect to the other party first. If |
| where there are several levels of social position, | | | | everyone waits for the other person to show |
| with persons of high standing due (and given) | | | | respect first, how does it ever begin? Earn their |
| respect simply owing to the position they've | | | | respect by offering respect to them rather than |
| attained in their lives. Each level requires the use | | | | demanding it from them. |
| of special language when speaking to someone in | | | | 2. Give the other person your full attention. People |
| a higher position than yours. The appropriate set | | | | don't feel respected when they know they're not |
| of terms is determined by the level of the person | | | | really being listened to, or worse, they're being |
| to whom you are speaking and the size of the | | | | placated. Maintain appropriate eye contact, limit |
| "gap" between your position and theirs. | | | | gestures that indicate nervousness or impatience |
| My husband and I once hosted a Japanese | | | | (such as finger tapping or looking around at your |
| exchange student whose family invited us to visit | | | | surroundings) and let them know you value their |
| them during a vacation to Japan. At that time, we | | | | time and offerings as much as you value your |
| also planned a visit to a high priest whom we had | | | | own. |
| met several weeks earlier in Boston, MA. When | | | | 3. When you ask for help, come full circle. Many |
| the high priest had learned that we would visit | | | | companies have suggestion boxes, but employees |
| Japan in the coming weeks, he honored us by | | | | often feel they are "black holes" where |
| inviting us to visit him at his temple. | | | | suggestions go in, but nothing comes out as a |
| Upon arriving at our student's home, we asked | | | | result. Whether you implement employee |
| her to place a call to the temple to arrange for a | | | | suggestions or not, take the time to communicate |
| date and time to meet the high priest, as my | | | | back to them whether or not they will be |
| Japanese was not fluent enough for me to feel | | | | implemented and the reasons why (or why not). |
| confident in conversing effectively on the | | | | Employee feelings of disrespect are reflected in |
| telephone. Our student was so fearful of using the | | | | the all-too-common statement, "They never listen |
| wrong words to someone in his station that she | | | | to me anyway, so why bother?" Let them know |
| "practiced" (several times) what she wanted to | | | | you're listening by letting them know their ideas |
| say before placing the call. | | | | and suggestions are not falling on deaf ears. |
| This level of respect, in and of itself, is not a bad | | | | 4. Give credit when and where it's due. Another |
| thing. A problem arises only when we forget that | | | | common statement that reflects a feeling of |
| human compassion and recognition of the need | | | | disrespect is, "My supervisor takes credit for |
| for human dignity is present in everyone, | | | | whatever I do anyway, so I don't offer my ideas |
| regardless of their station in life. | | | | any more." By leading employees to higher levels |
| I started out respecting this high priest because | | | | of productivity and creativity, we can take credit |
| of his station in life. However, my level of respect | | | | for being great leaders, rather than having to take |
| for him rose immeasurably when I saw how he | | | | credit simply for one good idea. |
| treated everyone around him, regardless of their | | | | 5. Pre-reward the behavior you wish to |
| position. He was the high priest of the | | | | encourage. Rewards do not come only in the |
| second-oldest temple in Japan. Not many Japanese | | | | form of compensation, but also as |
| citizens rank higher than this man in his country. | | | | encouragement, praise and simply "noticing" when |
| Yet he did not demand respect of anyone - he | | | | someone does something right. Often employees |
| commanded it through his actions, demeanor and | | | | fail to act proactively because they never hear |
| words. | | | | positive reinforcement to let them know they're |
| Everything about him was first-class. Although it | | | | on the right track. By rewarding (and even |
| was not necessary for him to treat those in | | | | pre-rewarding before it's completely correct) the |
| lower stations with respect, he did it anyway, | | | | behavior you wish to see, you let them know |
| earning a higher level of respect from everyone | | | | they're on the right track, encouraging more of |
| around him in more ways than he could have | | | | the same. |
| accomplished by simply demanding respect due to | | | | Whether you are leading a company toward |
| his position, without offering respect in return. | | | | higher success, volunteering on a Board where |
| We cannot demand respect; we must command | | | | members must be motivated toward a common |
| it. The very act of demanding respect actually | | | | goal, or even leading your family to be more |
| shrinks the respect others are willing to give us, | | | | productive, compassionate and caring members |
| usually serving only to cause them not to want to | | | | of society, bear in mind that effective leaders |
| respect us. It is implicit in the demanding of | | | | don't demand respect - they command it. |
| respect that we haven't yet done anything to | | | | |