| How many times have you said something and | | | | various conversations, the different accents. You |
| realised that the person, or people, on the | | | | can think about the music being played and how |
| receiving end have not fully understood what you | | | | you might talking with others about the place and |
| meant or headed off and done something | | | | planning what to do for dinner later. Maybe the |
| different to what you intended? | | | | birds where singing in the morning or evening. |
| Have you ever finished a presentation or meeting | | | | These can all be the same place and the same |
| wishing you had put your point across better? | | | | holiday. Which one appeals to you more? |
| This article is not about keeping cool or holding | | | | One key element of communication is the way |
| your temper before you speak, although that | | | | we process, or "represent" words. |
| would not be a bad thing for many of us at times! | | | | None of above is "better" than any of the others. |
| The focus is going to be about improving your | | | | The fact is, we are either "visual", kinaesthetic |
| ability to influence others, especially when | | | | (feelings based), or auditory. Although we all have |
| communicating verbally. | | | | a capability of using all three, we will almost |
| How often do any of us stop to think before we | | | | certainly have a preference for one of these, |
| speak? It is probably fair to suggest that most of | | | | possibly with another as a back up. So, when we |
| us tend to decide what we want to achieve or | | | | are remembering events we will use whichever of |
| the point we want to put across - then we launch | | | | these is more natural for us. Someone who |
| into speaking. If you recognise yourself in this, you | | | | naturally uses the visual channel we will tend to |
| are in the vast majority. Taking a short time to | | | | talk abut their holiday experience in language |
| consider a few other factors can improve our | | | | which paints pictures. They can see those clearly |
| effectiveness. | | | | in their own minds and, therefore, will use words |
| One message which can help to improve our | | | | to share the picture with others. No problem for |
| impact (and reduce the frustrations!) is to | | | | an audience who can also go into their visual |
| acknowledge: "the meaning of my communication | | | | channel. Not so effective for those who are |
| is the response I get." | | | | stronger in one of the other channels. I wonder |
| When we are in face to face communication the | | | | which you are? |
| generally accepted figures indicate that only 7% | | | | When we are planning to talk to others, whether |
| of the impact of our message is due to the actual | | | | in your teams at work, potential customers or |
| words and the balance is made up from | | | | suppliers it helps to realise that not everyone |
| non-verbal elements, including tone of voice. | | | | shares your preferred style for processing |
| Although the words themselves are only a small | | | | information. The first step is to recognise which |
| part, and need to be congruent with the other | | | | might be your preference. It is probable that you |
| elements for our message to carry the real | | | | will use language which fits this when you are |
| impact - they are still vital to effective | | | | expressing yourself. This is why we are |
| communication. | | | | suggesting you need to develop your flexibility. |
| It is strange to think how little training we get in | | | | When we talk about "think before you speak" we |
| speaking and listening as means of communication! | | | | are encouraging you to do a few things. As a first |
| Yet, in our adult lives, the majority of our | | | | step, think about the receiver, or receivers. What |
| interactions are based on verbal communication. | | | | do you know about them, their likely response to |
| When you think back to your school days, how | | | | your message (given your filters) and their level |
| much time was spent on learning to read and | | | | of understanding? When you have taken the time |
| write? (Although, when we consider current levels | | | | to consider this information you can aim to pitch |
| of literacy we may want to debate whether this | | | | your message at the right level for the audience. |
| is particularly effective!) | | | | The next step can be to think about the receiver |
| To improve our impact when we need to deal | | | | and consider where they might be on the visual, |
| with people face to face, whether on a one to | | | | auditory or kinaesthetic scale. This is obviously |
| one basis or in groups, it can help to stop and | | | | easier when you are dealing with individuals. When |
| think of a few things before we launch into | | | | addressing a group, it is reasonable to presume |
| whatever we want to say. One of the first things | | | | that you need to think about covering all three, |
| is to consider our audience first. | | | | although visual and kinaesthetic will probably be |
| When we are "receiving" any communication it | | | | the majority. |
| passes through various "filters" before we decode | | | | To build up your awareness of others, you can |
| the message. These can include: | | | | look for some indicators. They may not give you |
| | | | the whole answer, but they can steer you the |
| - Our own mood and emotions will influence how | | | | right way. |
| we receive the message. | | | | "Visuals" will often talk with language that use |
| - Our impression of the sender | | | | picture-type words. Colours, images and scenes |
| - Past dealings with that person | | | | will be in their vocabulary. They paint pictures with |
| - How the message impacts on us | | | | their words. They will also tend to talk more |
| - Our level of understanding of the words being | | | | quickly, be more animated and their gestures will |
| used | | | | be wider - using their hands to reinforce the |
| - How we process words | | | | picture. They may well be gesturing from chest |
| - Our internal "programmes" | | | | upwards and outwards too. |
| How often, as a sender do we ever take time to | | | | "Kinaesthetics" will use feeling language. They talk |
| think about any of these points? Taking some | | | | about how they feel, need to grasp things, and so |
| time think about the listener or your audience will | | | | on. Their feeling language may be about tangible |
| improve our ability to communicate with others. | | | | feelings, ie getting hold of something, how hard or |
| We may find ourselves expressing ourselves | | | | soft it is, or it could be more about emotion. They |
| differently - and more effectively. You may have | | | | will often speak more slowly, taking time to think |
| hear about the idea of "put yourself in the other's | | | | about things and their feelings and checking them |
| shoes" or variations on the theme. People who | | | | before speaking. They do not gesture |
| are really good communicators do this, whether | | | | expansively, and may well move hands towards |
| they are doing it consciously or not. By | | | | themselves, especially to their centre and even |
| considering things from the other party's position | | | | touch themselves or hold something. |
| you will get a different perspective. This enables | | | | "Auditories" will enjoy talking about things! They |
| you to consider your message in more ways - | | | | often question a lot, want to discuss things. They |
| yours and theirs! | | | | want to know that things sound right! Their clues |
| As we go through life we develop our own style | | | | are harder to spot in many ways as they can be |
| of expressing ourselves. The key to becoming | | | | more subtle. Listen for words to do with hearing, |
| more effective is to increase our flexibility, so | | | | sounding right. Their gestures might be more |
| that we can present our messages to suit the | | | | rhythmic and are often addressed to the mouth, |
| receivers. | | | | head and ears. |
| Take a moment to think about the options here. | | | | This might seem like a lot to consider before you |
| Suppose we were to describe a holiday resort. | | | | speak. The trouble for all of us is that we spend |
| Imagine the clear blue sky, and the lovely sea | | | | much of our life talking - and it works to some |
| with the sun's rays reflecting off it in bright spots. | | | | extent. When it does not, we can have a |
| The white sand of the beach, the small beach bar | | | | tendency to blame others for not understanding. |
| with the people sitting around, looking tanned and | | | | Well, it is not their fault! As a sender of a |
| smiling as the chat together. The view inland is of | | | | message, we have a responsibility to pitch it to |
| bright white cottages and buildings going up the hill | | | | be right for the receiver. We need to not only do |
| with the dark green leaves of the olive trees. | | | | the basics of considering their level and likely |
| Maybe, you can imagine the warmth of the sun, | | | | response as mentioned earlier, we also need to |
| the feel of the sand. The water feels so | | | | do our best to deliver it on their wavelength. We |
| welcoming as you walk into the sea. When you | | | | need to remember they may not be tuned in to |
| come out of there and head for the bar, it is the | | | | the same one as we are sending on! By taking |
| thought of the cold drink slipping down and feeling | | | | some time to think about our own preferences, |
| good about being relaxed. The smells of what | | | | we can identify which processing styles we might |
| they are cooking on an open grill waft across to | | | | be missing. From here, we can work on increasing |
| make you think about eating. | | | | our flexibility to use the right language to cover |
| Or, is it the idea of the quiet of the bay, broken | | | | the others. |
| by the occasional sound of a jetski? As you head | | | | Remember - "the meaning of my communication |
| for the bar, you imagine the chatter of the | | | | is the response I get". |